Yesterday, I was having a conversation with my friend and we ranted our hearts out about the toxic work culture, long office hours, and bully bosses. At one point, she said to me, “I wish I were as snappy and upfront as Wednesday Addams, that’s what these people deserve!”

And it struck me… So many people want to be like her for what she brings to the table — morbid honesty and brutal sarcasm.

Self-help usually comes wrapped in pastel covers and motivational quotes. But what if guidance came from someone like Wednesday Addams — sharp, unsentimental, and comfortable with uncomfortable truths?

Forget vision boards, morning affirmations, and “manifesting abundance.” If Wednesday Addams were a life coach, her version of self-help would look more like a survival guide — one laced with sarcasm, brutal honesty, and just enough morbidity to make you rethink your life choices.

Here’s what your sessions would look like under Wednesday Addams’ unique coaching philosophy:

While most life coaches will tell you to “seek the light”, Wednesday would tell you to stop running from your shadows and become what others would fear.

Forget bending over backwards for approval, Wednesday thrives on unapologetic authenticity. Her mantra: If they don’t like you, sharpen your personality until it cuts deeper.

You won’t waste time chatting about the weather. Wednesday’s sessions would start with questions like, “What’s your earliest memory of death?” or “If your soul had a graveyard, what would be buried there?” Death, I mean, depth over fluff, always.

Wednesday doesn’t wander aimlessly, naah, never. She strategizes, plans, and executes (the plans).

Your goals wouldn’t be written as vague dreams; they’d be battle plans. Timelines, riddles, and psychological warfare against your procrastination.

While other coaches ask you to avoid discomfort, Wednesday would insist you lean into it.

She’d probably assign homework like, “Spend an hour in silence with your worst memory and see what it teaches you. I want a 2000-word essay on it.”

Therapeutic? Maybe. Terrifying? Definitely.

It comes from revenge. Wednesday doesn’t chase joy; she chases justice, vindication, and the thrill of being three steps ahead of everyone else.

Her coaching would be less about balance and more about domination.

A Wednesday Addams life coach program wouldn’t promise a “better you” in the traditional sense, but it would give you a sharper mind and a stronger backbone.

You wouldn’t leave smiling, but you’d leave invincible.

Planning to sign up?

PS: If you haven’t guessed yet, we are coming up with a Wednesday Addams character sketch this week. Stay tuned!